Commonalities

As I have been viewing family photos recently I have noticed some commonalities between generations. As grandparents we have seen mannerisms in our grandchildren that we had forgotten were present in our own children - at least until I started looking at older family photos. I'm sharing a few of the photos here.

When I first saw Hattie I said, who does she look like and left it at that until I saw a photo of Donna at about the same age. I was amazed how much they look like. I know there will be those that disagree, but trust me, I think I'm right and JoAnn agrees with me.


Then there is Tim and Joshua. They have the same infectious smile and it's fun to see how much they look alike.


And finally, there is the famous finger action. We have found this in several of our children, including this father and grandfather (guess I'm the culprit). As I shared this with JoAnn she admitted she too is a "finger person." It's fun to go back and see their fingers poised for action.


Similar or not that's for you to determine and figure out who they are and if your kids have the same mannerisms as you or your spouse.

The Cat's Attention

We have had our cat for over 8 years. She has many names, but she is mostly known as the "devil cat" by the kids and a former veterinarian. She hides when family comes. She runs if someone knocks at the door or the doorbell rings. If we walk in the door (no doorbell or knock) she is at the door. The backyard is her domain. Sometimes the wall along the backyard is her domain and we have to wait for her to come back.

She is very much her own cat. She ignores us unless she wants food, water, or to be petted. She and I have an ongoing battle, which I usually lose. I have scratches on my hands pretty regular just to prove it. Yet, we pretty much know who she is, where she is, and what to expect of her. In other words, our cat is pretty predictable. That is until this morning.

I was setting up the television to record a show for JoAnn. After I did I switched it over to local television and PBS where "Nature" was on. I got hooked pretty quickly and it wasn't long before a she wolf was howling. As I was continuing to watch I look over by the corner of the couch and there sits the cat, totally enthralled by the television. This is a behavior we have never seen from Whisper. As you can see from the photos she was totally enthralled watching the various animals, This went on for over 20 minutes until we had to leave.

Cousin Bonding

One of the real reasons we get together as a family is to help the cousins to get to know each other better and to build long-term relationships. That has begun during this reunion. The cousins are sleeping in different condos every night with different cousins and during the day they engage in activities as a group. Two of the photos I took yesterday afternoon were of cousins 10 years apart, and yet buddies. That was reinforced today on an outing of most of the girls and some of the mother, sisters, and grandma. Bonnie (4) and Alyssa (14) were having a special moment together. Bonnie is never at a loss for words and Alyssa is a good listener.

Whisper's Water Fountain

Our cat, Whisper, is always looking for water everywhere but her water bowl. Every morning she jumps up on the bathroom counter in anticipation that I will fill the basin with water (I figure at least 1.5 gallons) so she can lap up (You know, I've never thought of the term "lap up" and cat in the same sentence. Maybe a dog, like Strider, who could empty a water bowl in 4 laps, but a cat?). If I wash my hands she knows right away there is no water to be had in the bathroom. She casually waits until the next bathroom is operational -

usually during my shower. She lounges outside the shower acting as if getting in the shower would be the best thing that could happen to her. Unfortunately she never takes me up on it, but when I get out of the shower she is on the counter either waiting for me to fill up the sink, or if she has given up, sitting in the sink so no one else can use it. We have 2 sinks so it never quite works for her.

She has finally topped herself in her quest for non-bowl water. Just off the back patio we have a number of plants. One of them I took out with the idea we wouldn't replace it, but I never got around to plugging the drip line head, or apparently digging up the root of the plant. The plant has started to grow again and last week Whisper discovered she can drink out of the water line that feeds it.

The drip head is facing up at about a 45 degree angle and the water flow comes out ever so gently. I guess, I would say, it comes out "just right" for a cat water fountain. Now she will go outside and stare at it in the morning waiting for it to come on. If I come outside she moves away, as if to say, "I'm not doing anything." But, I have watched her through the door. She is good for a full 5 minutes before she has had enough. I think the ratio of staring and waiting if about 10 to 1. I have to admire her perseverance in looking for the "perfect water." We both agree, we are thankful she is not a telephone eating cat, like an unmentioned family dog many of us know.

Sharing Together

One of the great opportunities for a grandparent is to be able to share experiences with their children and grandchildren. Last weekend was an opportunity for us to share experiences that are important to us as we move through this mortal life and prepare us for the eternities. JoAnn and I have made a commitment to be present for many of these experiences. Only as we have moved west have we had the opportunity to be involved in more of these experiences.

Last week in Aurora: 4 families

Some of the experiences are sacred to us and our family. Others allow us to gain glimpses of what our family might become, and yet others allows us to enjoy the moments we have together. I have come to the realization that each experience is precious in its own way. It may appear that some experiences are similar to other experiences we have had, but in reality, each is unique and special.

Family in December, 2000

Last weekend as I watched our children visit with one another and strengthen their bonds I was encouraged and reminded how JoAnn and I sometimes wondered if our family would still be a family as the children grew and went their own ways. We have come to the realization that our family members are unique and different, and yet, they are of one in heart and spirit. The strength of our family comes from the love each has for the other.

They understand the importance of family and we watch them strengthen those relationships among themselves and among their children, individually and collectively. I've never seen a group of cousins who are so close. I know as they grow they will go their individual ways, but they will always be reminded of the times they had together.

A friend of mind spoke recently of his children being so busy they did not have time for their parents. I was struck by that, because this is a good and loving man. It gave me pause and reminded me of the need for our family to always find time for one another. So far I think they do a pretty good job. I feel blessed as a father and a husband. Thank you JoAnn and thank you kids. And thank you to my parents who taught me to love.

iPhones, Grandpas and Grandchildren

Who would ever have thought that the iPhone could also be a pacifier. I discovered this a few months ago, but was reminded of it this past weekend. The two almost 3-year olds were tired, maybe even exhausted, and parents and grandparents were trying to somewhat unsuccessfully visit. Then I remembered I carried a portable pacifier.

I whipped out my iPhone pacifier, popped open YouTube and like any good Grandpa I had previously bookmarked a number of cartoons. Among my favorite are Bugs Bunny, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and the like. It really doesn't matter much what I show as long as it is a cartoon or an animation. There really are some great ones.


The kids jumped up on my lap, or sat beside me and were enthralled for almost 30 minutes. They do get a little fidgety when the cartoon is over, so I have to be pretty quick about getting the next cartoon going. Bonnie got brave enough she figured Grandpa didn't need to hold the iPhone any more. However, when she took it little Danny couldn't see it, so I had to retrieve it. At that age it is still about "mine."


Pacifier in place, the adults went right on with their conversation. When the video got a little loud all I had to do was turn the volume down - on the iPhone, not the adult conversation.

So, next time someone gives you a "what do you do with your iPhone" you can say it's a pacifier for the under 5 crowd - especially when they are tired.

Watching and Listening . . . 2

I had a great and quick 24 hours with several of my grandchildren. JoAnn had been there for several days so while I had a great 24 hours, she had a great week.

With 4 families, including us, it was a bit of a mad house, but then it always is. In this group the children range from 11 months through 11 years so any notions of cohesion are not readily apparent. But then, I really wasn't expecting cohesion and I hadn't come to Idaho to watch and listen for cohesion. I wanted to enjoy my grandchildren.

One of the cutest moment came last night as we the dads (2 of them) and granddads (2 of us) were sitting in the basement with a group of the older children watching a loud movie. Back behind us was Donna's "baby" (almost 8) and he was playing a game on the computer and sitting at a short (I emphasize short) table of perfect height for him. It is a toy train table the rest of the time. Of course the room was absolutely dark except for the movie. I watched baby get up, go into his weekend room and a few minutes later he has a desk lamp, has it plugged in and is trying to move the flexible neck so he doesn't create a glare on the movie screen. Who says our kids aren't considerate? He was struggling. He had the cord as far as it would go and on the wrong side of the computer to do what he wanted to do. I walked over, sat down, asked, "Do you need help?"

The proverbial "No" came back to me.

So I watched him struggle and finally said, "Let's move the lamp to the other side of the computer." We did and it worked well. We got the light all arranged so he could see the keyboard and not create a glare on the movie. You see, as a logical Grandpa, I was sure that was what he was trying to do.

As I walked away I heard a "Thank you Grandpa, now I won't be afraid of the dark." I chuckled and realized I wasn't so smart after all. Later when I shared the story with his Mom she goes, "All of my kids sleep with a light on."

About an hour later I was back in the basement and baby was still playing his game and the movie was still blaring, but coming to a cataclysmic conclusion. I turned around and there was "Little Danny," almost all 3 years of him, standing by baby, his big cousin, watching him play the computer game. How cute.

But wait, he was doing more. As I looked a little closer I could see him moving his hands in front of the light. Not to bother baby, but to do shadow puppets on the wall. I was blown away. Here are two little boys, one busily engaged in a computer game and the second observing and simultaneously making shadow puppets on the wall. Both were having fun, enjoying themselves, and lost in the experience.

Those were precious moments. I was listening and watching. Fortunately I didn't take a photo, as in this case it would have ruined the moment.

Watching, listening, enjoying. . .

I have actually constructed this post over a period of several days, pondering as I went forward and trying to focus on content, intent, and outcome. That's a little academic isn't it. Sorry, let's try this, "When is the last time you just sat and watched and listened - and didn't do anything else?"

By training I am a qualitative researcher, and for those of you who don't know what that means I can provide plenty of books and references. But essentially, qualitative researchers don't try to prove hypotheses, but approach research from the perspective of observing human behavior through a variety of techniques and then creating meaning from the data gathered or what early on was called "grounded theory."


The photo above is of two of my granddaughters and is precious. It was their first time on the light rail and they thought it was a GREAT adventure. The idea that Grandpa was taking them out for a special ride was way cool. For me as I sat and watched them I saw excitement, joy, anticipation, impatience (are we there yet?), and most of all happiness. The photo radiates with fun, joy, and happiness. It makes you want to relive the moment again and again. I have thought frequently about the time we spent together on the metro that day and realize just how much I enjoyed the time with my grandchildren. It was special because it was something they had never done before. How often can a Grandpa do that? Probably not often enough.

However, as a Grandpa I choose not to function as a qualitative researcher. Rather I choose to be an observer where my focus moves from analysis to enjoying and experiencing the moment my grandchildren are creating for themselves. It helps if I take a photo to remember the experience, but taking a photo really can reduce the opportunity to watch and listen. On the other side, however, the photo enhances my recall of the experience and I can enjoy it more often. Take for example this photo of my granddaughter filling her bucket up with water. I sat and watched her for several minutes as she tried to get the bucket full of water and not get her dress or blouse wet. When she did get it wet she was a little frustrated and tried to wipe the water off. Finally she got the bucket as full as she could and was satisfied, but had no idea how to turn the water off. That is when she was ready for some big people help.

Watching is about observing. It is not like watching television or multi-tasking. Watching is a full-time task, especially if you want to learn something. And grandchildren, regardless of their age always are worth watching. It may be how they play, how they interact, how they relax. There are no inhibitions, no standards (except for those few imposed by us), no preconceptions of right and wrong. They know how to have fun instinctively and they can take any situation and turn it into fun, unless of course we are embarrassed, and then no one has fun.

When is the last time you just sat and watched someone have fun? Try it. Don't overthink it or preconceive what should happen, just watch and be quiet.

Next time let's talk about listening.