The Cat's Attention

We have had our cat for over 8 years. She has many names, but she is mostly known as the "devil cat" by the kids and a former veterinarian. She hides when family comes. She runs if someone knocks at the door or the doorbell rings. If we walk in the door (no doorbell or knock) she is at the door. The backyard is her domain. Sometimes the wall along the backyard is her domain and we have to wait for her to come back.

She is very much her own cat. She ignores us unless she wants food, water, or to be petted. She and I have an ongoing battle, which I usually lose. I have scratches on my hands pretty regular just to prove it. Yet, we pretty much know who she is, where she is, and what to expect of her. In other words, our cat is pretty predictable. That is until this morning.

I was setting up the television to record a show for JoAnn. After I did I switched it over to local television and PBS where "Nature" was on. I got hooked pretty quickly and it wasn't long before a she wolf was howling. As I was continuing to watch I look over by the corner of the couch and there sits the cat, totally enthralled by the television. This is a behavior we have never seen from Whisper. As you can see from the photos she was totally enthralled watching the various animals, This went on for over 20 minutes until we had to leave.

The letter and the spirit of the law - or I should pay better attention!

On Sunday JoAnn and I had this one-way (notice how I say one-say, which should give you a clue as to how it went) conversation about cleaning up her sewing room. It was getting to where you could hardly get in the room and it had been weeks and weeks since she last sewed in the room. Of course she was working on Mike & Allison's quilt and that did require more space, but while she was off doing that the material seemed to breed and multiply on her desk. So I put my foot down and said, I want that room clean. Yes, it hurt when I put my foot down.

I got home after a late class yesterday and walked by her sewing room and it was "beautifully clean." I was so impressed. I went into the living room to tell her so. She was busy at the dining room table cutting out material for her next projects (note that there is more than one project). I really wanted to let her know just how wonderful and clean and organized the room looked. And it did and does. She was gracious in receiving my appreciation, even though I probably should have been skewered for suggesting she do something when she has been so busy. So she met the spirit and letter of the request (not the law as I published in the title.

I'm really impressed. It's clean and ready to go. I hope I don't have to make my desk look this good.

I really didn't pay much attention to the rest of the living room until we got ready to sit down to a bowl of soup and as I looked around me, there were piles of material everywhere (maybe a slight over exaggeration). My first comment was, "So, we moved the material from the sewing room to here?" She quickly responded with a spirited, "Well yes, the room is clean, isn't it?" I was boxed, what could I say. So much for the spirit of cleaning - or at least that was what I thought. I could not have been more wrong. Oh, I was right about the material hanging around the living room couch, but wrong about why.

Later she shared with me all of the piles individually and intimately explaining how each was a project and what it would look like when completed. It took all my patience to get through this. She unfolded item after item and showed it to me. The whole time I'm telling myself, I don't need to see the whole thing, and finally I said that (I know, dumb idea). To which JoAnn responded, "I want to see it again, it's so beautiful." I was trapped, but also aware I had judged too soon. I wasn't looking at random piles of material located on the couch to avoid storing them. No, I was looking a multiple projects, all carefully thought out and organized. I know there is a lesson in there for me and someday I will have to ponder it out. For now I'm just happy I was wrong.

It looks pretty ugly, but I thought I took 2 photos. No just one and I could tell you it looks like this so you wouldn't know what they are - but you know me too well.

Cousin Bonding

One of the real reasons we get together as a family is to help the cousins to get to know each other better and to build long-term relationships. That has begun during this reunion. The cousins are sleeping in different condos every night with different cousins and during the day they engage in activities as a group. Two of the photos I took yesterday afternoon were of cousins 10 years apart, and yet buddies. That was reinforced today on an outing of most of the girls and some of the mother, sisters, and grandma. Bonnie (4) and Alyssa (14) were having a special moment together. Bonnie is never at a loss for words and Alyssa is a good listener.

Sunday Morning Phone Calls

We were just about ready to leave for Church this morning when the phone rang with an area code I recognized and was pretty sure who it was, but without a name I answer with a standard, "Hello?"

"Hi dad." I hear.

Before I have a chance to say, "Hi sweetheart," I hear in the background a young voice saying, "My daddy!" with the following motherly response, "No, my daddy, your grandpa!"

Life is good! It's great being a grandpa. The little things are what matter.

Letters

Today Grandma and I each received a letter from our 2nd Grandaughter (Alexis) in Idaho. The letters...

"Grandmu

Why are you not calling me (obviously Grandma made a commitment) becus you sed that you wod call me evry 1 week and your not wiy?

Sind back
Love Alexis"

Okay, Grandma feels appropriately chastened and has made a commitment to the calls.

Letter 2 to Grandma:

"Dear Gramu

I love you sow much. But I hop the other letter do's not disupot you gramu!

Love Alexis"

A little repentance on her part. She love Grandma, but wants those phone calls. I suspect they will be coming on a regular basis.

Now Grandpa's letters. There were two buried in the envelope and I didn't find the second one until I saw Grandma had 2 letters.

"Dear Grampu,

I love you. I chang my mind I wont to go to Diny land (Disneyland). I wont to go sown to your how's (house). How is Wisper! (Whisper is the Devil Cat who doesn't like children).

Love
Alexis

Sind Back!"

Letter 2:

"Hi Grampu

I hope your bak fil's beter.

Wind are we going to Disny land?

Love,
Alexis

Sind Back!"

Don't you just love the letters. Like all of our grandchildren she is so sweet. Although I hope her mother reports fully on Alexis's doctor visit yesterday where she tried to slug the nurse when she was getting a shot! I will leave that for Suzanne.

You can see there are some clear expectations on Alexis's part for us to respond. I guess JoAnn and I have some letter writing to do. The work of Grandparent's never ends, but then we don't want it to end.

Happy New Year

About 9 am this morning we are doing the breakfast dishes and the telephone rings. The caller ID reported "Colorado Call." That's the cue for an Allen family call.

I pick up the phone and say "Hello" and hear on the other end "Hey," so I respond with a "Hey." Then I hear a chorus of young voices in somewhat unison, "Happy New Year!" And my daughter saying, "Oh, you ruined it?" I didn't think I did. I thought it was cute.

"Let's do it again for you mother. On 3."

I listen, "1, 2," and a put the phone to JoAnn's ear before the "3."

"Happy New Year" was a little louder. Nothing works better then a little rehearsal.

So, Happy New Year everyone!

Watching and Listening . . . 2

I had a great and quick 24 hours with several of my grandchildren. JoAnn had been there for several days so while I had a great 24 hours, she had a great week.

With 4 families, including us, it was a bit of a mad house, but then it always is. In this group the children range from 11 months through 11 years so any notions of cohesion are not readily apparent. But then, I really wasn't expecting cohesion and I hadn't come to Idaho to watch and listen for cohesion. I wanted to enjoy my grandchildren.

One of the cutest moment came last night as we the dads (2 of them) and granddads (2 of us) were sitting in the basement with a group of the older children watching a loud movie. Back behind us was Donna's "baby" (almost 8) and he was playing a game on the computer and sitting at a short (I emphasize short) table of perfect height for him. It is a toy train table the rest of the time. Of course the room was absolutely dark except for the movie. I watched baby get up, go into his weekend room and a few minutes later he has a desk lamp, has it plugged in and is trying to move the flexible neck so he doesn't create a glare on the movie screen. Who says our kids aren't considerate? He was struggling. He had the cord as far as it would go and on the wrong side of the computer to do what he wanted to do. I walked over, sat down, asked, "Do you need help?"

The proverbial "No" came back to me.

So I watched him struggle and finally said, "Let's move the lamp to the other side of the computer." We did and it worked well. We got the light all arranged so he could see the keyboard and not create a glare on the movie. You see, as a logical Grandpa, I was sure that was what he was trying to do.

As I walked away I heard a "Thank you Grandpa, now I won't be afraid of the dark." I chuckled and realized I wasn't so smart after all. Later when I shared the story with his Mom she goes, "All of my kids sleep with a light on."

About an hour later I was back in the basement and baby was still playing his game and the movie was still blaring, but coming to a cataclysmic conclusion. I turned around and there was "Little Danny," almost all 3 years of him, standing by baby, his big cousin, watching him play the computer game. How cute.

But wait, he was doing more. As I looked a little closer I could see him moving his hands in front of the light. Not to bother baby, but to do shadow puppets on the wall. I was blown away. Here are two little boys, one busily engaged in a computer game and the second observing and simultaneously making shadow puppets on the wall. Both were having fun, enjoying themselves, and lost in the experience.

Those were precious moments. I was listening and watching. Fortunately I didn't take a photo, as in this case it would have ruined the moment.

Off to do a little listening

I'm dry, not a thing to listen to. JoAnn is gone, it's just me and the cat, and she didn't talk. I'm off to listen to 8 grandchildren this weekend. Nothing like new material.

Watching, listening, enjoying. . .

I have actually constructed this post over a period of several days, pondering as I went forward and trying to focus on content, intent, and outcome. That's a little academic isn't it. Sorry, let's try this, "When is the last time you just sat and watched and listened - and didn't do anything else?"

By training I am a qualitative researcher, and for those of you who don't know what that means I can provide plenty of books and references. But essentially, qualitative researchers don't try to prove hypotheses, but approach research from the perspective of observing human behavior through a variety of techniques and then creating meaning from the data gathered or what early on was called "grounded theory."


The photo above is of two of my granddaughters and is precious. It was their first time on the light rail and they thought it was a GREAT adventure. The idea that Grandpa was taking them out for a special ride was way cool. For me as I sat and watched them I saw excitement, joy, anticipation, impatience (are we there yet?), and most of all happiness. The photo radiates with fun, joy, and happiness. It makes you want to relive the moment again and again. I have thought frequently about the time we spent together on the metro that day and realize just how much I enjoyed the time with my grandchildren. It was special because it was something they had never done before. How often can a Grandpa do that? Probably not often enough.

However, as a Grandpa I choose not to function as a qualitative researcher. Rather I choose to be an observer where my focus moves from analysis to enjoying and experiencing the moment my grandchildren are creating for themselves. It helps if I take a photo to remember the experience, but taking a photo really can reduce the opportunity to watch and listen. On the other side, however, the photo enhances my recall of the experience and I can enjoy it more often. Take for example this photo of my granddaughter filling her bucket up with water. I sat and watched her for several minutes as she tried to get the bucket full of water and not get her dress or blouse wet. When she did get it wet she was a little frustrated and tried to wipe the water off. Finally she got the bucket as full as she could and was satisfied, but had no idea how to turn the water off. That is when she was ready for some big people help.

Watching is about observing. It is not like watching television or multi-tasking. Watching is a full-time task, especially if you want to learn something. And grandchildren, regardless of their age always are worth watching. It may be how they play, how they interact, how they relax. There are no inhibitions, no standards (except for those few imposed by us), no preconceptions of right and wrong. They know how to have fun instinctively and they can take any situation and turn it into fun, unless of course we are embarrassed, and then no one has fun.

When is the last time you just sat and watched someone have fun? Try it. Don't overthink it or preconceive what should happen, just watch and be quiet.

Next time let's talk about listening.