Life is about anticipating, planning, participating, experiencing, and remembering. Sometimes things happen that do not allow us to plan or anticipate. Sometimes these are good. Some are not. Some things you cannot plan for. The loss of a grandson is one of those things. My daughters have written at considerably about the loss of our grandson, cousin, nephew and son. I have delayed doing so, not wanting to unnecessarily add to the grief. Yet I realize that I too need to add to the topic.
Calvin is one of the early motivations for this blog. I want to be able to remember my grandchildren in ways that are immediate and memorable. Too often we hear, see, feel and then let it go. I do keep a written journal, but that is more for me and my grandchildren when they are old enough to learn more about me.
As our oldest grandson Calvin is special. All of our grandchildren are special and always will be, but there is something about being the first grandchild that causes us feel differently. Until 15 months ago we did not live close to any of our children or grandchildren. The last 15 months has been special since we have been able to see our children and grandchildren so much more frequently. We have begun new bonds and I will talk about that in a later post. Calvin was the closest, just a mere 6.5 hours away.
At the internment Jill Holker, Calvin's aunt, captured this moment of 5 of the uncles and Cole (Calvin's little brother) touching the casket in a tender good-bye. In some way, this photo has spoken to me about love, loss, family, tenderness, and compassion. Everyone is expressing a thought. Tim and Cole have touched the casket as if to say "We are still with you."
I can't write this without tears. I still struggle with the grief that my oldest is gone. Yet, we celebrated his loss with joy and happiness too. We should never forget the smile, joy, pleasure, and downright orneriness that was part of Calvin. We all loved him for it. We will always love him for it. His body may be at rest, but his spirit lives on and as a family we will not forget.
3 comments:
No one can prepare for this. We can only keep helping each other as we deal with it for years to come. It will not be so painful but it will always be there, in our hearts.
I agree, no one could prepare for anything like that. And once again, Donna is right with that we can only help each other and talk about his great memories and what a wonderful person he was. We love him and will always love him. We love you too!
This death has been very hard for me. I understand that it was his time but when I visit Donna I just feel sad. Thankfully we have eachother. Plus we cannot forget the two living boys - they are still here and they still need us. Last time we visited Clayton shared half his donut with Bonnie because there were no donuts left. It absolutely touched my heart that he is so caring.
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